Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Catalogue of Discarded Objects

Having embarked on a mission to declutter my life, I've unearthed many wonderful objects, though my room doesn't have enough space to contain them all. They've lived full, useful lives, and though the time has come to say goodbye, their stories will be maintained here.

Gap knit straw purse, c. 2008
Purpose: Carrying all necessary objects--and many unnecessary objects--to and fro, back and forth, day in and day out
Condition: Ratty
Reason for discarding: Worn to pieces; upgraded for ‘mature’ leather purse

Lime green fanny pack; ‘VICE’ reads on front, c. 2009
Purpose: Distinguishing oneself as ironic and therefore hip
Condition: Very good; appears unused
Reason for discarding: Post-college hipster days, serves very little purpose in 'real' world

Large orange corduroy shoulder bag, c. 2007
Purpose: Containing textbooks and notebooks; library companion
Condition: Very worn
Reason for discarding: Falling apart; no more library trips necessary

Fuzzy blue slippers, c. 2000
Purpose: Keeping feet warm; serving as an obstacle to casually walking around house
Condition: Fair
Reason for discarding: Unworn since 2001

Two pairs ballet pointe shoes, c. 1999-2001
Purpose: Prior to level of serious dancing, the cause of blisters and twisted ankles
Condition: Worn, but not well enough to indicate serious dancing
Reason for discarding: Level of serious dancing never achieved

Cell phone, c. 2006
Purpose: Making phone calls and sending very few, very sparsely worded text messages
Condition: Fair 
Reason for discarding: Non-functioning and seriously outdated

Lucite cube paperweight with colored beads, c. 1995
Purpose: Taking up space on desk, may have served as slightly thoughtful go-to gift
Condition: Fair
Reason for discarding: Too garish for today's tastes; no papers in need of a weight

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